8 Steps Required
for a Biblical Divorce
“But the end of all things is at hand:
be ye therefore sober, and watch unto prayer.
And above all things have Fervent Charity [Love] among yourselves:
for Charity [Love] shall cover the multitude of sins.”
What are all the biblical steps of reconciliation needed to be performed before divorce with an offended spouse?
The Bible provides guidance on reconciliation and divorce, primarily in Matthew 18:15-22, Matthew 5:23-24, Ephesians 4:31-32, and 1 Corinthians 7:10-16. Here are the biblical steps for reconciliation before considering divorce with an offended spouse:
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Recognize your own contributions to the conflict.
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Acknowledge and confess your sins.
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Make amends and take responsibility.
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Go to your spouse and address the issue directly.
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Seek forgiveness and reconciliation.
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Approach your spouse privately to discuss the conflict.
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Speak the truth in love, avoiding blame or aggression.
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If private confrontation fails, involve one or two mature, impartial witnesses.
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They can provide guidance, support, and accountability.
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If the issue remains unresolved, seek help from church leaders or a Christian community.
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This provides additional support, guidance, and accountability.
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If necessary, take a temporary separation to reflect and calm emotions.
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Use this time for prayer, self-reflection, and seeking counsel.
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Seek forgiveness and work towards reconciliation.
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Let go of bitterness, anger, and resentment.
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Regular communication and counseling can help maintain reconciliation.
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Continue seeking guidance from church leaders, counselors, or mentors.
In the End:
The choice to remain married, is similar to the choice to remain pure in Christ, committed to Christ, faithful in service to Christ, loving and caring in service to others in Christ. Do unto others, as you would do unto Christ.
Please Note: All these choices come from the inside of the individual making them. In other words, each person is a reflection of their choices, and the character. Our choices are not dependent upon what other people do or think. Our choices are our own to make, completely separate from those around us. If we abide in the Truth, our character will show that. Character and Truth are like twin sisters, you can’t have one without the other. If you are not truthful, you will have low character. If you have low character, you will not be truthful.
That is an incredibly important thing to work out before you come before the Judgment Seat of Christ, or better yet, before the Great White Throne Judgment.
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If genuine reconciliation efforts fail and the situation is abusive/dangerous, divorce may be considered.
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However, this should be done with careful consideration, prayer, and counsel.
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Abuse or violence: prioritize safety and seek immediate help.
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Irreconcilable differences (there’s no such provision in scripture): require biblical counseling or mediation.
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Unrepentant adultery or abandonment: may be grounds for divorce (Matthew 5:32, 1 Corinthians 7:15).
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Love and respect (Ephesians 5:33)
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Forgiveness and mercy (Matthew 6:14-15)
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Humility and selflessness (Philippians 2:3-4)
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Focus on the Family: Reconciliation and Divorce
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Christian Counseling Services
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Bible Study: Reconciliation and Conflict Resolution
How do I Dishonor God in a divorce?
Short Answer: Disregard, Dishonor, and Disobey: ALL 8 Steps above, or any one of God’s Biblical Steps that are commanded for reconciliation, and the forgiveness of Sin: in Ourselves & Others.
Longer Answer:
- Become a party to Gossip & Slander: Take sides of an offended party without consulting both sides of the offense. Take no effort to solve the original offense. Allow Gossip & Slander to go forward.
- Blame the offensive party, but don’t take any effort to solve the offense. Never get to the root of the problem. Blame the problems in for a relationship that stem from one’s own actions.
- Build up a Heart of Bitterness, Resentment, and Rejection, on the inside while playing the pretend “nice game” on the outside.
- Choose to magnify offended-ness, and reject simple, reasonable, common sense solutions.
- Assign nefarious motives to actions that stem from personal deep insecurities–And create scenarios based on this problem, to prove and maximize your offenses. Thus laying the foundation for becoming a covenant breaker.
- Deny the Biblical Rights of another believer.
- Take another believer to Court before the ungodly. (1 Corinthians 6:1-11)
1 Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law [court] before the unjust, and not before the saints? 2 Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters? 3 Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life? 4 If then ye have judgments of things pertaining to this life, set them to judge who are least esteemed in the church. 5 I speak to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you? no, not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren? 6 But brother goeth to law with brother, and that before the unbelievers.
7 Now therefore there is utterly a fault among you, because ye go to law one with another. Why do ye not rather take wrong? why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded? 8 Nay, ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren. 9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, 10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
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What does this phrase in the King James Bible mean: “abusers of themselves with mankind”?
The phrase “abusers of themselves with mankind” in the King James Bible appears in 1 Corinthians 6:9 and 1 Timothy 1:10. It translates the Greek word arsenokoites, which literally means “male-bedder” or “one who beds with males”457. Most scholars and translators understand this as a reference to men engaging in sexual acts with other men, that is, male homosexual behavior13457.
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1 Corinthians 6:9 (KJV):
“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind…”
Key Points and Explanation:
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The Greek word arsenokoites is a compound of “arsen” (male) and “koite” (bed), and is understood to mean men who have sexual relations with other men457.
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The KJV translators rendered it as “abusers of themselves with mankind,” which is a euphemistic way of describing this behavior45.
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Other translations use terms like “sodomites,” “homosexuals,” or “sexual perverts” for this phrase, though the precise meaning and scope have been debated57.
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Some interpretations suggest it refers more broadly to any sexual abuse or exploitation involving males, but the mainstream and historical consensus is that it specifically refers to male same-sex acts1357.
Summary Table
| Phrase (KJV) | Greek Term | Common Modern Translation | Meaning/Explanation |
|---|---|---|---|
| abusers of themselves with mankind | arsenokoites | homosexuals, sodomites | Men engaging in sexual acts with other men |
“Abusers of themselves with mankind” in the KJV is a reference to male homosexual acts, based on the Greek term arsenokoites, and is listed among other behaviors considered sinful in the biblical context13457.
What does this phrase in the King James Bible mean: “nor effeminate”?
The phrase “nor effeminate” in the King James Bible, specifically in 1 Corinthians 6:9, translates the Greek word malakos, which literally means “soft” or “delicate.” In the context of this passage, it refers to men who display qualities or behaviors considered unmanly or womanish to an excessive or immoral degree1257.
Key Points:
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Original Meaning: In general usage, “effeminate” meant having qualities of the female sex—soft, delicate, or tender to an unmanly degree, or being womanish or voluptuous125.
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Biblical Context: In 1 Corinthians 6:9, most scholars agree that malakos refers to men who take on passive or submissive roles in homosexual acts, especially in the Greco-Roman context where such relationships often involved a dominant and a passive partner347. Some translations render it as “male prostitutes” or “catamites” (boys or young men kept for sexual purposes)7.
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Moral Connotation: The term is used pejoratively to describe those who, in Paul’s cultural context, rejected traditional masculine roles, particularly in a sexual context56.
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Not About Personality: The biblical use does not condemn men for simply being gentle, artistic, or non-stereotypically masculine, but rather addresses a specific type of sexual behavior or moral weakness as understood in that time347.
Summary Table
| Phrase (KJV) | Greek Term | Main Meaning in Context | Broader Connotation |
|---|---|---|---|
| nor effeminate | malakos | Passive partner in homosexual acts, male prostitute | Unmanly softness, moral weakness, womanishness |
“Nor effeminate” in 1 Corinthians 6:9 refers to men who adopt passive sexual roles with other men, or who display unmanly softness or moral weakness, especially in a sexual context, rather than simply men who are gentle or non-stereotypically masculine357.