The Harm Done

How neglecting Active Listening:
Can Harm Your Marriage

3 minutes

Most arguments begin: where and when active listening doesn’t.

Here are 12 key problems that come from not practicing active listening:

How to harm a marriage or any close relationship:

1. Emotional Distance: When one partner doesn’t listen, the other can feel neglected and unimportant, leading to a breakdown in emotional connection and intimacy13.
2. Erosion of Trust: Failing to listen attentively undermines trust, as partners may feel they cannot rely on each other to understand or support them8.
3. Loss of Respect: Not being heard or understood often translates to a feeling of lost respect, which can start a domino effect of other relational problems24.
4. Increased Conflict: Poor listening leads to frequent misunderstandings, escalating arguments, and unresolved issues, making conflicts more intense and recurring8.
5. Withdrawal and Indifference:If someone repeatedly feels ignored, they may shut down emotionally, stop sharing, and become indifferent to the relationship37.
6. Diminished Intimacy: Emotional disconnection from not listening can lead to a loss of desire for physical and emotional intimacy37.
7. Seeking Connection Elsewhere: When needs for affirmation and understanding aren’t met, partners may turn to friends, coworkers, or others for support, risking emotional affairs3.
8. Miscommunication and Misunderstandings: Passive hearing without true listening causes frequent misinterpretations, leading to confusion and frustration18.
9. Lowered Self-Esteem: Feeling unheard can negatively impact a person’s self-worth, making them feel undervalued and unsupported8.
10. Stunted Empathy: Without active listening, partners miss chances to understand each other’s perspectives, reducing empathy and compassion in the relationship8.
11. Missed Opportunities for Growth: Not listening means missing out on valuable insights, ideas, or feedback that could strengthen the relationship or solve problems4.
12. Undermined Emotional Support:Active listening is a foundation for providing solid emotional support; without it, partners may feel isolated during both struggles and celebrations8.

In summary, not actively listening in a close relationship erodes trust, respect, and intimacy, while increasing conflict, misunderstanding, and emotional distance. Over time, this can fundamentally weaken the bond between partners and threaten the stability of the relationship123478.

1. https://www.lissyabrahams.com/Youre-not-listening
2. https://luwame.com/blog-post/how-hearing-instead-of-listening-to-your-partner-affects-your-relationship/
3. https://www.themarriagehub.com/2019/08/06/4-consequences-of-not-listening-to-your-spouse/
4. https://jonathanmpham.com/en/interpersonal/relationships/not-listening/
5. https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/listen-up-why-you-dont-feel-heard-in-your-relationship-0810154/
6. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/marriage-active-listening-study-put-test-evie-bernal
7. https://www.markmerrill.com/what-happens-when-you-dont-listen-to-your-wife/
8. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7fR6nJMy6I

1 minute

Here are 12 more scriptures that describe or warn how neglecting active listening can harm your marriage, along with a brief insight into each verse’s relevance:

1. 1. Proverbs 18:13
      “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.”
      Responding without truly hearing your spouse leads to folly and shame, eroding trust and respect256.
   2. Proverbs 20:5
      “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.”
      Failing to listen prevents you from understanding your partner’s deeper feelings and needs5.
   3. Ecclesiastes 3:7
      “A time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak.”
      Ignoring the right time to listen can hinder healing and reconciliation in your relationship56.
   4. Proverbs 1:5
      “Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.”
      Neglecting listening blocks growth and guidance in your marriage56.
   5. Luke 8:18
      “Therefore consider carefully how you listen…”
      Careless listening can result in losing understanding and connection with your spouse6.
   6. Colossians 4:6
      “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
      Without active listening, your words may lack grace and wisdom, causing unnecessary conflict6.
   7. 1 Peter 3:8
      “Be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.”
      Neglecting to listen undermines empathy and compassion, weakening marital unity6.
   8. Genesis 21:12
      “…listen to your wife…”
      Ignoring your spouse’s voice can lead to poor decisions and marital strife7.
   9. John 13:34-35
      “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”
      Active listening is a key expression of love; neglecting it fails this command4.
   10. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
       “Two are better than one…if either of them falls down, one can help the other up…”
       Without listening, the support and strength of partnership are lost, leaving both vulnerable4.
   11. Matthew 15:4-6
       “For God commanded, saying, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.’ … Thus you have made the commandment of God of no effect by your tradition.”
       Neglecting parents is seen as a serious violation of God’s command5.
   12. Mark 7:9-13
       “You reject the commandment of God, that you may keep your tradition … making the word of God of no effect through your tradition…”
       Jesus criticizes those who use tradition as an excuse to neglect family obligations5.
   13. James 4:17
       “If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.”
       Neglecting to act for the good of others—especially those close to us—is considered sin1.
   14. Colossians 3:13-14
       “Bear with each other and forgive one another … And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
       Neglecting forgiveness and love disrupts unity in relationships2.
   15. Matthew 25:45
       “Whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.”
       Neglecting the needs of others is equated with neglecting Christ himself7.
   16. 1 John 4:20
       “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar.”
       Neglecting love for those close to us undermines our claim to love God7.
   17. Romans 13:10
       “Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.”
       Neglecting care for others is contrary to the law of love7.

These verses collectively emphasize that neglecting your closest relationships—whether through lack of provision, love, forgiveness, or support—is seen as a serious spiritual and moral failing with real consequences1567.

1. https://www.wisdomhunters.com/five-sins-of-neglect/
2. https://seattlechristiancounseling.com/articles/relationship-problems-8-bible-verses-to-help-resolve-them
3. https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/articles/6-bible-verses-to-help-overcome-emotional-abandonment
4. https://www.openbible.info/topics/losing_friends
5. https://www.prayersfor.com/bible-verses/ignoring-family
6. https://biblehub.com/topical/n/neglect.htm
7. https://scripturesavvy.com/bible-verses-about-neglect/
8. https://thecreatorsclassroom.com/self-care-for-women-from-gods-perspective/

4 minutes